Sitting Duck

I’ll admit it.  I’m vulnerable.  Oh, not just vulnerable in the “somebody might hurt me again” way, but in the “sometimes I can’t breathe because of fear of being hurt” way.  I know so many of us like this right now.  We’re ducks.  We sit and wait for the next horrible thing to happen, hoping it doesn’t, resigned for it to do so.  We stand and watch the world go by around us, not joining in.  We hide in our little spaces and think no one would want to see us, like us, talk to us, be friends with us, or in any way find value in us because we feel we have f-a-i-l-e-d in a relationship  and thus, we are doomed to forever failing because, doggone it, it hurts too much and who wants to repeat that?  We slink just under the radar, checking the wind direction, terrified to fly; testing the waters electronically, but never getting our feet wet.  And why?  Because we are reeling in insecurity about who we are, what we are, how attractive and interesting and funny and fun and valuable we are.  Quack.

Sad thing is, the longer we stay sitting ducks, the more danger we’re in.  It’s a pseudo-safety, our little hidey-hole of self-recrimination and woe is me, sigh, sigh, sigh.  Because when we sit as sitting ducks those lies that were told to us, things that were done to us, hurts that happened to us and made us feel like ugly ducklings burrow deeper into us, asserting who we believe we are.  And for the record, there are times when the hurt we have is because we have hurt others, badly, and that hurt should be painful enough to us to change us, change our hearts and minds and actions so that we never do those things again.  Until then, we need to sit as ducks and stew, bake, roast and broil until that bad part is no longer there.  But for the rest of us, those who fell for the decoy that put us here, we need to shake those tail feathers and start slowly flapping back to pond life…and friends, fun, relationships. 

Realigning ourselves with who we are as believers is a start.  When the words of hurt muddy our minds we can dip into God’s words, but I know it’s still not easy.  I’m still duckish rather than ducky, but I’d rather become like a lucky duck enjoying the gift of this time in my life God has given me, scars, lessons, wonky feathers, and all.  I think the only thing worse than being a duck is being a chicken…and those who know me know I don’t “do” chicken!

The Living Bible has this translation of my don’t wanna-be-a-duck/anti-chicken verse.  I think it’s rather appropriate. 

For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.  Timothy 1:7

   

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